I’m writing this post with the assumption that you are planning this pregnancy with a committed partner. I know that’s not always the case; a mature single woman can plan a pregnancy all on her own, and most of what I’ve wrtten so far would apply to this woman, too. But a pregnancy and a baby will change your most intimate relationships, and for most people, that includes a partner. I’m also assuming a woman/man relationship, since they are the most common parenting relationships, but if yours looks different, I think you will still find the information applicable.
Here are some things to think about concerning your couple relationship.
- Give your partner space. Different people process things differently. You might be perfectly content with something, and he might be bothered by it. You might wish he would react differently to your talk of cycles and basal temperatures, but you’ve got to let him be who he is, and let him prepare himself for parenting in his own way.
- Lean on him. The non-pregnant partner sometimes feels useless and left out. Also, the mom-in-training often feels like she has to do and know everything. It doesn’t have to be that way. He can research things, he can make some of the decisions–it doesn’t always have to be you.
- Keep it sexy. There’s no doubt that pregnancy can put a kink in your sex life. So, before pregnancy, live it up, get in all the uninhibited love you can. But study up, too, because there are books and websites that will help you anticipate what your sex life might be like when you’re pregnant, and help you get some creative ideas. It’s not all bad news, though; your breasts will enlarge and your hormones will surge, so who wouldn’t like that? And some couples find that the creativity that is forced on them during pregnancy results in some of the most enjoyable sex of their couple life.
- Keep it honest. It almost goes without saying that honesty and open communication are a must…but I think I’d better say it anyway. You’re both going to be acting and feeling different, so don’t assume that things are the same for him, and he shouldn’t assume that they are the same for you. Share your hopes, fears, insecurities and joys…and as they say, your burdens will be halved and your joys will be doubled.
- Commit to your couplehood. This should be something you talk about now, in your planning stages. The best child-rearing situations are the ones where the parents love and respect each other, and the children are welcomed into an already strong, already loving relationship. There can only be one primary relationship in a home; the primary relationship should be between you and your partner. Otherwise kids have both too much control and too much insecurity, neither of which are good for them.
- Date night. You should be doing date nights, anyway, but make a plan to have at least one a month from the time you get pregnant until… forever. Work it into the budget, including babysitter pay.
- Keep your mind open. Obviously your projected baby will become the center of your couple-world. But that doesn’t mean you should stop being your own person. Read, watch interesting movies, discuss economic policies…do the things that made you fall in love with each other. Don’t get so involved inyour new parenting role that you forget to be the people you each fell in love with.
Pregnancy can be a challenging time for a couple, but it’s also a time that can draw you closer together. Now, in your planning stage, make sure that keeping your couple relationship strong is a central part of the plan.
Tags: couple, date, love, partner, plan, pregnancy, relationship
