Image courtesy of Network of Citizens.org
Yesterday’s Canadian Press ran an article about the new trend of parents not permitting their children to sleep over at friends’ houses…ever. The thinking is that there are too many things that could happen, and if your child is away from you for so long, you can’t be sure they’re safe.
That may sound over protective, but these parents might have a point. Recent news stories have reported kids at sleepovers being molested by the family’s relatives and being exposed to movies and activities their own parents don’t approve of. And we’re not talking about Mount Pilot, where everyone knows everyone; we might not know the families who are inviting our kids to spend the night. How can we be sure they won’t put our child in a situation we wouldn’t approve of?
They have a point. There are parents I trust, but who still make different choices than I would make. I still usually let them go…and then they come back asking me about something they saw on a PG-13 movie that I didn’t pre-screen. But at least they ask. I’m not willing to risk their safety, but I am willing to let them experience life beyond the boundaries of our family. More often than not, they come home saying, “I had fun, but I like the way our family does things better.”
Of course I don’t want my kids molested. We have a registered sex offender in our neighborhood, and I don’t let my son walk down that street alone. But children are more likely to be molested by their own relatives than someone else’s, and I still let them spend time –even sleep over–with uncles, cousins, and grandfathers. And I let them go to school and church and youth group and church camping trips, too. All these places where something could happen! Recently a girl was molested by a stranger in a Target, and a teenager was kidnapped from a Target parking lot. And we still go to Target.
I’m not judging these overprotective parents. Each of us has to make our choices to the best of our abilities, balancing safety and freedom, letting go as much as we can when we can. But we have to gradually allow them to be exposed to more and more things, people, and activities, while we are there to help them interpret those experiences. Otherwise they’ll be socially crippled when they have to face those things alone.
I do let my kids go on sleepovers, and I have kids at my house (tonight I’ll have 6 kids at my house!). But only with parents I know well. And those parents return the favor, trusting me with their kids for a few hours. I think that if parents talked to each other more, we could help each other calm down some, and alleviate these fears we all carry around.
[...] Recommended: No Sleepovers…Ever? [...]
August 7th, 2009 at 4:48 pmI can totally see their point, but I can also see them heading down a road of total parental burnout, if you know what I mean.. Connor sleeps out a LOT, but it’s usually with grannies, cousins, aunties, etc. When it comes to friends it’s usually only one place and I know the mom pretty well.
I too wouldn’t like Connor to be subjected to anything horrible. The worst occasion was when he slept over at Jared’s house, and Jared’s mom let them watch “Epic Movie”. I wasn’t aware of this until the next day, when the kids were all acting out the scenarios. Well, it seemed like everything in this movie revolved around swearing and hurting people in the groin area, because the kids thought this was hilarious! This was what resulted in the infamous tabasco sauce incident, due to some rather over use of “mother-f*cker” by 8, 10 and 11 year olds! If I had known she was going to hire that movie, I would not have let Connor go. But, like we all know, every parent is different. Like take Wesley for example.. He loves slasher flicks and has let Alex (8 yrs) watch the “Saw” series. Alex to this day laughs at all slasher movies, where I want to crawl and hide in the nearest cupboard! Chrissy (Jared’s mom) lets her kids watch “Epic Movie”, and yet disapproved of my handling of the punishment when I caught them all swearing like the characters in said movie. Go figure.
All we can do is hope and pray that we are happy with the way we are bringing up our kids. We’re not perfect and we will make mistakes, but hopefully that’s where we’ll all learn to improve. I loved your term “socially crippled” because that’s exactly how I see kids whose parents don’t let them experience anything without them around.
August 7th, 2009 at 6:52 pm[...] Recommended: No Sleepovers…Ever? [...]
August 8th, 2009 at 1:41 am