Are you one of those parents that checks to see if your sleeping child is breathing?  Do you feel silly sometimes, but nevertheless can’t stop yourself from just checking one more time before you turn out your own light? 

That’s me, and it’s even worse when they’re sick.  My kids aren’t babies anymore; one turns 6 this week, and one turns 13 next week.  The middle child is 11, and at the moment has a terrible sore throat.  She couldn’t even stay awake during reading time, which is unusual for her.  My little night owl was asleep by 10, on a Friday night. 

So, I put her to bed and came back down to finish some articles.  I had to force myself to keep my rear end in the chair in front of the computer because I was getting anxious just sitting here.  I feel kind of stupid; I mean, it’s a sore throat.  They’ve had a million of these between the three of them.  But whether it’s a mom thing, or whether I’m just overly anxious, I worry about stuff like this.  I’ve read too many articles where some innocuous symptom (a headache, a sore throat, etc) led to a person’s death.  And I’m a hypochondriac-by-proxy–I always see major illnesses in places where there are only minor ones.  I know I over-react.  Not every headache is a brain tumor.  Not every sore throat is an out-of-control deadly bacterial infection.  Not every bruise is leukemia.  In fact, almost none of them are.  But it’s still true that two years ago, a stomach ache was actually a burst appendix, and my middle child spent a week in the PICU.  So, I don’t know that I’m willing to talk myself too far out of my worry.

I’m not normally a hovering, over-protective sort of mom.  I usually insist that my kids attempt to fix their own problems before they ask for help, and they are required to do everything they are able to do for themselves.  But when it comes to them being sick, I worry a lot… too much, maybe.  I try to hide it, of course, because my anxiety makes them more anxious.  So, just now when I went to check on my sickie, I didn’t wake her up to make sure she hadn’t slipped into a coma.  I just nudged her a little to make sure she was still breathing.

Phot Courtesy of Paul Turke

So, you’re going to be a dad. Your wife or girlfriend is pregnant, and it was your little guys that crossed the finish line. Take a deep breath and believe what I’m about to tell you: This is good news. Sure, maybe you’re a little terrified. Understandable. This is a life-long deal, and that’s always scary. And things will change—you bet they will. But babies somehow have a way of making that okay. Not perfect, not uncomplicated, but worth the cost.

This post is not about how to be a great dad (you’re not quite there yet). You still have to get through a pregnancy. There are few things in life that will affect you more than this, and few things you have such little control over. You are support staff, but your job is vital. Women can and do go through this alone, but it’s always better when someone is at your side.

Here are a few tips on how to handle your lady’s pregnancy.  First, we’ll talk about what to do for her, and next time we’ll focus more on you, the daddy.

What to do for her:

• Be happy. Maybe you planned this pregnancy, maybe you didn’t, but she is desperately worried that you’re going to be unhappy about it. Reassure her. Now, in all truth, you may have very mixed feelings about this, and there will be a time to talk about those. But just now, when she first tells you, be happy.
• Participate. If she wants you to read an article about fetal development, read it. Maybe you could even track down some articles yourself. Go with her to doctor appointments—maybe not all of them, but a few. Especially go with her to the ultrasound and share that first view of your baby. Learn all you can about baby care; it’s not just the mom’s job!
• Pamper and protect. Go out of your way to take some extra care of her, but don’t treat her like an invalid. Pregnancy is not a sickness. Don’t get exasperated if she needs something strange or inconvenient, or if she’s in a crabby mood from time to time. You don’t have to let her walk all over you, but she has huge amounts of hormones rushing through her bloodstream—cut her some slack.
• Talk it out. You can share your worries and fears… in fact, she might be waiting for you to do that before she shares hers. Anxiety is normal—will you be able to afford this? Will you be any good at it? Will she still have time for you once the baby is born? Will you still have an important role in the family once it’s mommy-and-baby? Let her know you’re thinking these things.