I have two daughters, 12 and 13, so we’ve been wrestling with the question of style for a long time.  One of the chief problems, according to my daughters, is that I have none.  To which I usually respond, “I may not have style, but you’re still not going out of the house like that.”

They’re right, though.  My girls are much more stylish than I am, or even than I was at their ages.  And they are very different from each other, as well.  My son, on the other hand, is 6, and could not care less what he wears, though he will occasionally request one of the shirts with a dinosaur on it.

So  how do we help our children develop their own personal style without sacrificing our own judgement about what is and isn’t acceptable?  Here are a few tips that have helped our family achieve relative (if not total) peace on the style front.

• Let them be themselves!  My mom, God love her, wanted to dress me up like her own life-sized Barbie doll, but I have always been a jeans-and-t-shirt kind of girl.  My own daughters have gone through frilly-and-pink phases, only-black phases, tailored slacks phases, and oh-my-God-I-have-breasts phases.  Obviously I have my favorites, but my favorites don’t have to be their favorites. 

• Keep your values clear and consistently enforced.  We don’t do low necklines or bare midriffs, because we’re trying to teach our children to respect their bodies, not flaunt them, and modesty is an important part of that.  DH and I want people to look at our kids and see intelligent, polite young people, not just exposed body parts.     But besides consistent rules, we also have talks about what the culture is saying about women and men when everyone in their favorite magazines has so much skin showing.  They’ve all begun to take some pride in being a bit counter-cultural. 

• Look at pics with them.  Look at the Oscar issue of People Magazine with your daughters, for example, and talk about why certain dresses are flattering and why others aren’t.  Ask your sons if they like certain shirts in the Penney’s catalogue, and if they would wear them.  Ask why or why not.  They might not be able to articulte their reasons fully, but it gets them thinking about their own likes and dislikes. 

• Praise, praise, praise.  When they look nice, say so.  Be specific, because they really don’t know what works and what doesn’t.  They’re trying to figure that out.  You might say, “That color really goes well with your skin,” or “You look really handsome in that T-rex shirt,” or “Those jeans are really flattering on you.”   We don’t want our girls or boys to focus over-much on their appearance, but we do want them to take pride in it and know how to dress themselves to bring out their best. 

• The Rule.  The rule in our house is, “I won’t make you wear anything you hate, but you’re not allowed to wear anything I hate.”  They are still kids, much as they might sometimes like to deny it, and you can’t replace your judgement with theirs.  You still have to set boundaries and protect them from their own inexperience. 

• Get back-up!  There should be an adult in your life whose opinion matters to your child.  If Uncle JoJo says he looks cool in that shirt, he’s more inclined to wear it.  Sometimes they just can’t hear us parents, and the input needs to come from somewhere else.

Don’t forget, they’re their own people, with their own taste and sense of themselves.  You can’t ultimately suppress that, but you can help it develop in the right direction.

The previous article talked about how you can care for your lady during her pregnancy.  But you’re going through a lot of changes, too, and you need some TLC as much as she does.  Here are some ways that you can do to take care of yourself during your partner’s pregnancy.

• Enjoy the benefits. You know those hormones? Once the adjustment period of her first trimester is over, her breasts will begin to enlarge and her sex drive will kick into high gear. Sure, she’ll be showing a little, but it’s nothing you can’t manage. And you don’t have to handle her with kid gloves; there’s nothing that you can do in normal (and by that I mean non-abusive) sexual relations that can hurt the baby.
• Boys’ night. Go, get out, be a guy! You can be the world’s best daddy-in-training, and still need to get far away from the very female world of pregnancy and the sight of anything pink or blue. Encourage her to go out with the gals, too. You both still have to be yourselves, as people, in addition to your new roles as pending parents.
• Accept the grief. Any change in life brings grief, even the good changes. A baby is good news, but things are going to be different. This can be hard for the dad, especially if he liked the way things were. From now on, you’ll have to share your lady with someone who needs her even more. That can be really frustrating. Don’t feel guilty about it; it’s normal to grieve the loss of a life you liked, even if something better’s coming down the road.
• Keep in shape. First of all, being in good physical shape will help you deal with stress much better. Second, during a pregnancy, men tend to gain “sympathy weight;” she puts on, say 25 pounds (some of which comes off after childbirth) and so does he (none of which comes off after childbirth!). And physical activity is a good way to get guy time, or to work out any anxieties or frustrations you might have simmering in your mind.

Being a dad is a great thing, and you’re going to be really good at it. Just take care of your lady, take care of yourself, and follow the above advice. You’ll be just fine.