Mealtimes can spark major power struggles. Can you get yor little one to step up to the plate? Taking these steps can help prevent the majority of mealtime struggles that parents face:

• Establish a regular eating schedule that includes three meals and planned snacks, so your child will know exactly what to expect and when. Arrange to serve her a snack or meal once every two hours, which is about how often toddlers need to eat to feel satisfied.
• Turn each meal into a variety show. Serve several different foods, and let your child pick what he wants. Instead of offering just a plate of macaroni and cheese for lunch, add a slice of whole wheat bread and a kid-friendly vegetable.
• Make fun of food. By all means, draw ketchup smiley faces on cheeseburgers or arrange veggies into designs. The meal will be more appetizing to kids.
• Turn table time into social time. Sit with your child when he eats, even if you will be eating later.
• Make it clear that your child is expected to behave politely. Ask her to use an inside voice, keep her hands off other people’s plates, and stay seated at the table until she is excused. She may not always compl, but it sets the right precedent, and she’ll gradually come to internalize these rules.

If your child refuses to come to the table, allow him to stay away, but make sure that the television stays off, so he doesn’t have a ready source of distraction.

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We all want to be close to our kids, but treating your child like your best friend will turn her into a major brat. You don’t believe me? Well, unfortunately it’s true. Becoming friends with your son or daughter may seem like the perfect way to achieve a close relationship. And it’ll make your child feel special, powerful and grown-up.  But the desire to be liked by your little one can make it tough to set limits and stand up to her. The result is that a child that has no qualms about talking back or challenging authority and who thinks she’s the one running the show.

To be an effective parent you should know how to confront inappropriate behavior and say no to unrealistic demands. Don’t get me wrong here, it’s not bad to make friends with your child, you can develop friendship with her but don’t forget your limitations. Act like a parent and not a pushover.

*Call the shots: Lay down rules for behavior. (such as no running inside the house or throwing food at the table)Enforce them 100 percent of the time, even during playtime. Learn to be consistent because if you aren’t, don’t expect your child to follow you.

*Get a thicker skin: So what should you do when your child dissolves into tears because you tell her she can’t have more cookies? Stay calm and realize that she’s upset because she’s not getting her way, nit because she doesn’t love you. Remind yourself that children have the capacity to work through disappointments in a remarkably short period of time.

*Help your child branch out: if your child spends every spare time with you, then he probably doesn’t have much an opportunity to find out what he likes to do on his own or with other kids. You should also create opportunities for your child to be with other kids. Go to the park and allow your child to interact with his playmates.

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Preschoolers may know the rules of fair play, but learning to share can still be a major challenge.

Wouldn’t it be great if your hear your child saying to his friend “Sure, you can play with my favorite robot anytime” well according to the studies of Child development, 3 -4 year olds tend to cling passionately to their possessions. They are so focused on their wants and needs that sharing just isn’t their priority.

Even though kids at this age are usually having a hard time sharing, they can be surprisingly generous when adults encourage them to do so.  Here are some steps you can take to help the process along:

• Encourage your child to share with you – This will be easier because your child knows that you won’t have a tantrum or grab his toys. Frequently ask for his favorite toy and remind him that he can ask for it back properly.
• Go to the playground – This is the best place to learn how to “take turns”  because the equipment there doesn’t belong to anyone. Your child will see that everyone gets a chance to go down the slide.
• Don’t force your child to share everything – During a playdate, ask your child which toys he’s willing to share. If he’s not willing to share his favorite toy, you can tell him to keep it first. This will make it easier for him to loosen his grip on toys the rest of the time.
• Teach the basics of negotiation- When a conflict arises sit with both kids and talk about what to do. Instead of yelling and grabbing the toys, your child can trade another toy for it, ask if he can play with it when the other child is done. You can also suggest that they play together.
• Skip the lecture. – If your child is frustrated because he doesn’t want to take turns, he won’t listen to any of your discussions about sharing. Try to distract him with another activity and just remember that sharing is easier on some days than others.

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Parents have different ways of disciplining their children. Some are lenient; others are strict. However, they have to remind themselves that kids are just beginning to learn what is right and wrong. Discipline should be a time of learning, not a time of pressuring a child.  Pressuring your little one may stress him out, and this may cause him to misbehave more. You may consider the following suggestions when it comes to disciplining your child:

*Do not freak out. – Losing your cool in front of your child may frighten him. It will make him focus on your reaction rather than what he did wrong. If the child misbehaved in a manner that makes you lose your temper, you might use hurtful words so you would have to calm down first before you talk to him.

*Set an example. – Point out what he did wrong. You can use some children stories that will make him easily understand what you’re trying to say. Be creative in such a way that you’ll get his attention.

* Be consistent. – It is important that you are consistent on how you discipline you child. Don’t tolerate any repeated misbehavior. Your child needs to know that you mean what you say. It’s like making a promise and keeping it.

*Give warnings before punishment. -Like what I’ve said earlier, children are just beginning to learn what is right and wrong. Give them time to adjust. Giving warnings will help him understand what you’re trying to say. This will cause him to act the right way whenever his tempted to misbehave.

* Reward him for a good behavior – Children love receiving treats. Learn to reward them for their good behavior. It motivates them to do the right thing.

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Image courtesy of YMCA Memphis

Are your kids off to camp yet?  For the past several years, my girls have gone to Girl Scout camp; we’re lucky to have one about 45 minutes away. This year, though, they’re going to church camps with friends.

Of course, there are lots of different kinds of camps. My husband went to violin camp. There are leadership camps and athletic camps (my nephew goes to weight camp), science camps and art camps. Later this summer my oldest daughter will go to choir camp.

So what should we parents be looking for in a camp? What kinds of questions should we ask to make sure our kids are safe, that they have a good experience, and that we get our money’s worth?

The American Camp Association has some suggestions on how to choose a camp that we and our kids will be satisfied with.

The following list is their suggestions, but my comments.

• What is the camp’s philosophy and program emphasis?  This has to do with what the camp is for, and what their goals are for your child.  Girl Scout or Boy Scout camps will be different from religious camps, artistic camps or athetic camps.  Their philosophy can be seen in pamphlets or on a website; do they want to toughen your kids up, or bring out his creative side?  Do you want the same thing they want?

• What is the camp director’s background?  The director sets the tone for the rest of the staff, so you want to know that they are experienced and qualified.  Make sure to ask.

• What training do counselors receive?  At the very minimum, they should have training in first aid and conflict resolution, and have taken a course in sexual misconduct prevention.  Other considerations may depend on what kind of camp it is, but they should be well able to teach and guide your kids they way you expect.

• What is the counselor-to-camper ratio?  The ACA recommends 1:5 for kids 4-5, 1:6 for kids 6-8, 1:8 for kids 9-14, and 1:10 for older teens, 15-17.  That’s a pretty reasonable expectation.  I’d go with it.

• What are the ages of the counselors?  ACA recommends that at least 80% of the counsellors should be 18 or older.  In camps for special needs kids, that’s 100%.  All counselors should be at least 2 years over the age of the campers they’re supervising.   Younger counselors are full of energy and fun, but more experienced ones can handle things better; they’ve learned good judgment the hard way.

• What are desired qualities in camp staff?  Should they be tough disciplinarians?  Gentle nurturers?  Fun loving clowns?  Serious leaders?  Find out what qualities your camp requires, and what additinal qualities your counselors have. 

• What percentage of the counselors returned from last year?  If it’s a good camp and they have positive relatinships with kids, parents and other staff, they’ll want to come back.  If the camp is full of conflict, disorganization, and boredom, they won’t.  ACA says it’s usual for 40%-60% of staff to return.

• How are behavioral and disciplinary problems handled?  Running laps?  Time outs?  Removal of privileges?  Are counselors trained in violence prevention?  Jsut like with school or other extracurricular activities, you as a parent have to be comfortable with the discipline policy, so make sure you know it.  It should be readily available for you to see.

• How does the camp handle special needs?  Are you vegetarians?  Is your child asthmatic?  Will they need daily medication?  Does your religion prescribe a specific diet or certain prayer times during the camp term?  Ask if these things can be accomodated before you send your child–even before you send in a deposit.

• How does the camp handle homesickness and other adjustment issues?  Kids get upset, especially on the first few nights.  A strange bed, unfamiliar company, and a new routine can ratchet up their anxiety.  How do counselors deal with this?  Is it part of their training, or do they just wing it?

• What about references?  Get the names and numbers of a few people who have been to this camp.  Ask them what they didn’t like about the camp.  Find out if they are returning.  Chances are that the camp will give you references of people who had good experiences, and those are very helpful, but with the right questions you can find out what you need to know.

Those are some good places to start.  If you ask those questions, chances are you’ll get a pretty thorough sense of what kind of experience your child will have at camp.  And then you can be completely guilt-free when you enjoy yourself, since you know they’ll be having the best experience possible!

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