Being a parent is enough of a demanding and full-time job.But being a single parent is even more challenging and takes up even more of your time. Life is so hectic it reaches the stage where you begin to lose your identity and only think in terms of your children and their needs. But this isn’t healthy – everyone needs ‘me’ time in order to stay sane! Time to be alone and be peaceful, time for thinking space and time to selfishly consideryourself, removed from the family context. But with such a manic routine, how on earth do you prise even a few minutes of ‘me time’ out of your day? Here are a few pointers…

Find a reliable babysitter…

This is definitely the place to start: a local babysitter who gets on well with the kids, who you trust and who doesn’t mind being called out at short notice. This means that when you’re invited somewhere or want to go and see a play or whatever might come up you’ll be able to go without feeling guilty about abandoning the kids.

Find time while they’re sleeping…

Take advantage of the time when the house is quiet and your children have been tucked in for the night. This is a great time to invite friends over for a catch-up over a glass of wine, watch that French film you’ve been dying to see or scour some online dating London websites. Also, try to get up earlier in the morning so you have that little bit of headspace before the children wake up.

Let them have some time with the family…

Your family are probably always badgering you to let them see the children more often. Jump on the offer and make sure the kids see their family routinely – maybe even on a particular day of the week they could go and have dinner with their grandparents? Your family will be flattered by being given the responsibility of your kids and you’ll get a bit of time to yourself.

Take some days off…

Make sure you don’t take all of your holiday to coincide with the school holidays. Every once in a while, take a day of annual leave just for you. Then, do whatever you want with it – whether that’s going on a date or going on a road trip to see an estranged friend.

Make the most of your lunch hour…

Many people sit and work through lunch, despite being given a recommended hour. Try to get out of this habit and make the most of this time. Go for a walk and explore the neighbourhood of where you work. You’ll be thankful for the hour of quiet thinking time.

Establish a routine…

Work ‘me time’ into your regime. This could mean having a set night of the week for the family visit, for the babysitter to come over,or for the children’s other parent to take them for a bit so you can go out. Children are comfortable in the safe reliability of a routine, so make sure you work your ‘me time’ into everyday life.

Whether you use it to browse dating websites or catchup with friends, ‘me time’ is essential for everyone’s sanity and well-being. Make sure you find some!

Image courtesy of Life123.com

The parenting column in the New York Times today discusses the problem of kids and stealing.  Is it a normal phase kids go through, o r does it presage issues of character or behavior that parents need to worry about?  I remember being about 5 years old and seeing a candy bar that had fallen underneath the display case in the grocery store.  I somehow got it into my head that those fallen candy bars were free, so I took it.  Of course, a few minutes later, when my mom found out, I was marched back into the store, and made to tell the manager what I had done and to give the candy bar back.  The thing was, I didn’t think I was stealing, I just thought those were free candy bars.

Apparently that sort of thing is pretty normal, according to pediatrician Perri Klass’s article.  Different things are going on with kids at different ages, though.  For a toddler, boundaries have to come from the outside, because they aren’t able to set them on the inside.  A toddler’s entire thought process is “I see it, I want it, I take it, it’s mine.”  Toddlers have to be taught–patiently and consistently–that not everything they see or want is theirs.

Klass then goes on to talk about kids who are a little older–old enough to know that what they’re doing is wrong and to try to cover it up by lying or hiding.  These kids are testing, she says.  They want to be caught.  They need to be caught.  She quotes Dr. Barbara  Howard of Johns Hopkins, who says, “Kids are trying to find out what happens if you get caught, and one of the biggest problems is if you don’t catch them. They’re trying to find out what the rules are, and if nobody catches them and says, ‘That’s wrong, you have to give that back or pay for it,’ they don’t get a sense of being properly supervised.”

So if stealing is a fairly normal developmental phase, are there times when parents should be concerned about stealing?  Yes.  When a child is stealing as a means of acting out, he may need help dealing with the underlying issue.  Stealing something of a sibling’s or classmate’s could indicate self-esteem problems or underlying resentments that must be addressed.  In those cases, stealing is only a symptom.

For the most part, stealing needs to be dealt with gently but firmly, with boundaries set and reiterated and consequences immediate and consistent.  But pay close attention; if your child needs extra help dealing with some kind of emotional problem, it’s your job to notice that, too.