Children get scared when they witness a fight between their parents. For one thing, seeing a parent lose emotional control leaves a child feeling vulnerable. Beyond that, kids often feel responsible for their parents’ disagreements, even when the fight doesn’t involve them. Children also worry in a very concrete way about what will happen to their own life if their parents don’t get along.
The flip side, however, is that children benefit enormously by seeing that their parents still love each other, even after a bad fight. It’s valuable for children to see that if parents are headstrong, lose their tempers, and make mistakes, they can say “I lost it, I’m sorry” When they see their parents emerge from a fight and listen to each other respectfully, they learn that it’s okay for people to have differences. And when they see their parents talking about feelings, they learn to do the same.
Even when their parents are great role models, however, children may still need to be drawn out if they seem upset after an argument.Parents should know how to talk and explain to their children that sometimes people get mad, but still talk about their feelings and work it out. Children should also learn the value of forgiveness. They should know that forgiveness can make things alright, it’s a part of the natural sequence of fight and that, as scary as fights can be, all loving people have them. Parents should learn to humble themselves infront of their child and learn to say sorry.
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