Most 1 year-olds will have similar episodes of frustrations, since they’re at an age when their desires often outpace their abilities. Most anything, a challenging jigsaw puzzle, a lid that won’t come off eaily, or someone who doesn’t understand his grunts can send a toddler into a tearful, body-thrashing tantrum.

You may find dealing with your child’s frustrations, well, frustrating. But keep in mind that his behavior signals a positive developmental step. At this stage, your child is learning that the world has limits, and there are things he can conquer and things he can’t. Often the best approach is to let your 1-year-old continue to try and try again. Don’t be so quick to jump into rescue him, even if he’s struggling. This may seem hard for you as a parent, but just as adults learn from their mistakes, so do toddlers. It’s natural to want everything to be perfect for your child but remember that children need to learn that instant gratification isn’t always possible. Experiencing frustrations teaches your toddler how to cope with obstacles, a valuable skill he’ll need for the rest of his life.

In addition, intervening may frustrate your child more. Be more patient and emphathetic when your child gets frustrated with a challenging task or toy. You might say, “I know you’re trying trying ver y hard to put the puzzles together and you feel angry that the pieces don’t fit.” This will help give him vocabulary to interpret his feelings. By contrast if you tell your toddler that the pieces are fitting nicely (when clearly they’re not) you’re insulting his judgement. Dismissing his frustrations may only upset him more. Your support will eventually teach him that persistence pasy off.

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My mother had an expression: “You are as slow as molasses in January!”

Descriptive, isn’ t it?  That was about the speed my sister moved, and now that I’m a mom, I find it’s the speed at which at least 2 of my children move. 

Part of this has to do with getting ready in the mornings, when time is at a premium and the pokey child wanders from room to room or takes 20 minutes on the potty.  But part of it is just the speed at which they move from one place to another. 

What can you do to minimize family frustrations  when a pokey child is holding things up?

• Be patient!  Remember, kids don’t think or move at the same speed as adults, and their priorities aren’t the same.  Stopping to pick that dandelion is every bit as important to your child as getting your errands done before rush hour is to you.   And remember, no matter what it feels like at the time, they aren’t doing it on purpose because they know it bugs you!

• Allow for more time.  Yes, they do have to learn to do things in a timely way, and I’ll get to that, but the key word there is learn.  They don’t have it down yet.  It’s up to you to remember that they won’t be walking out the door without a pillowcase full of every DVD and stuffed animal they own.  Allow time for them to gather their things or to prepare themselves mentally for the next activity.  If things are too rushed in the morning, consider getting the children up 15 or 20 minutes earlier.  In our family, my husband gets them up at 6:30, they eat breakfast, then they climb into bed with me for 15 minutes of snuggling and quiet talking to start the day.  They could get up at 7:00, but that would create a rushed, stressful morning, and I would miss those close, cuddly moments. 

• Avoid distractions.  No television in the morning–or any other time you want to be focused!  Few kids can skillfully get themselves dressed as they are singing along with Cyberchase or Dora.  And it doesn’t do much good to say, “We’re leaving in five minutes so get your things together,” if they are lost in TV world.  Turn the TV off, then tell them to prepare to leave.

• Prepare ahead of time.  Pick out clothes and pack up backpacks the night before. Put them in clear view so there’s no running around yelling, “Where’s my backback?  Where are my shoes?”  You can prepare a child to leave the house ahead of time, too, simply by first packing up the things they’ll need, and then sitting them down with a video or activity until it’s time to leave.

• Take time when you have it.  If you’re just walking down the street, and you have no deadline, it won’t kill you to stop and look at the new clover that’s taking over your yard.  Your child thinks it’s pretty.  You may be goal-oriented (you’re walking TO the post office), but your child probably isn’t.  She’s just walking. 

• Make it clear that moving quickly is important before you start.  Simply let your child know that there is no time to dawdle today.  Ask for his help.  “I love to look at the worms on the sidewalk with you, but we have to get to the post office before it closes.  Will you help me walk fast?” 

• Gently but firmly remind your child that you must be obeyed.   You do get in a hurry, and you don’t always have time to explain.  And sometimes it’s a matter of safety; my middle daughter gets lost in daydreams and drifts off in the middle of parking lots, falling behind the rest of us and wandering in front of cars.  When I say, “Sabra, hurry UP!” I need her to hurry up.  I do not need her to keep drifting and ask, “Why?”  Sometimes there’s just no time.  If they fall down on that–which they will–it’s important to remind them once the crisis is over that sometimes you can’t explain right way.  Sometimes they just have to obey.

• Make manners a priority in your home.  Just as you emphasize please, thank you, and chewing with their mouths closed, remind your kids that it’s rude to keep people waiting.  A gentle but consistent emphasis on good manners over the course of their childhood will ultimately pay off.

We do have a lot to do, no doubt about it, and it seems there’s never enough time to do it in.  But just as you hurry your kids up, don’t forget to let them slow you down, too.

The previous article talked about how you can care for your lady during her pregnancy.  But you’re going through a lot of changes, too, and you need some TLC as much as she does.  Here are some ways that you can do to take care of yourself during your partner’s pregnancy.

• Enjoy the benefits. You know those hormones? Once the adjustment period of her first trimester is over, her breasts will begin to enlarge and her sex drive will kick into high gear. Sure, she’ll be showing a little, but it’s nothing you can’t manage. And you don’t have to handle her with kid gloves; there’s nothing that you can do in normal (and by that I mean non-abusive) sexual relations that can hurt the baby.
• Boys’ night. Go, get out, be a guy! You can be the world’s best daddy-in-training, and still need to get far away from the very female world of pregnancy and the sight of anything pink or blue. Encourage her to go out with the gals, too. You both still have to be yourselves, as people, in addition to your new roles as pending parents.
• Accept the grief. Any change in life brings grief, even the good changes. A baby is good news, but things are going to be different. This can be hard for the dad, especially if he liked the way things were. From now on, you’ll have to share your lady with someone who needs her even more. That can be really frustrating. Don’t feel guilty about it; it’s normal to grieve the loss of a life you liked, even if something better’s coming down the road.
• Keep in shape. First of all, being in good physical shape will help you deal with stress much better. Second, during a pregnancy, men tend to gain “sympathy weight;” she puts on, say 25 pounds (some of which comes off after childbirth) and so does he (none of which comes off after childbirth!). And physical activity is a good way to get guy time, or to work out any anxieties or frustrations you might have simmering in your mind.

Being a dad is a great thing, and you’re going to be really good at it. Just take care of your lady, take care of yourself, and follow the above advice. You’ll be just fine.