The kids turn 10 and the hormones start to take over their body. Suddenly, that adorable boy who used to pick flowers for you from the backyard, is turning into a monster. How do you deal with this behavior? How do you manage when boys start to answer back and slam doors and girls become overreacting? Below are some suggestions you can do:

1. REMAIN THE AUTHORATIVE PARENT. I know that a lot of parents want to be the “friend” their kids can share secrets with but this is the time when you’re child’s starting to get confused about lots of things and will be needing guidance and direction. As a person of authority, they need you to give them cues on how to behave properly.

2. SET UP RULES AND BOUNDARIES. DRAW THE LINE. The house rules you may be enforcing when your child was about 5 or 6 years old may no longer apply now that she is 10 and growing into a teenager. New rules should be set, and updated, if you must. So that your child knows when they have crossed the lines.

3. COMMUNICATE CLEARLY. As with anything, don’t be vague about your rules. Address your concerns clearly so that your child is able to get the message clearly as well. Vagueness will only cloud his judgement and will not really provide the right backbone for him to follow through.

4. SHOW RESPECT. Beyond anything, teach your child to show respect by being respectful to them as well. They are still kids but they also need to be acknowledged, listened to, and respecte.d

The words we tell our children leave really strong impact. They look up to us for guidance but sometimes, the way we discipline them can hurt their feelings. In most cases, we don’t mean to snap at our children. But with the stress of running a household and managing work at the same time, parenting can sometimes take a toll.

However, if we keep in mind that these words ought to be avoided, we also avoid scarring our kids:

1. LEAVE ME ALONE or DON’T BOTHER ME.

I know parents need their break from parenting. But to directly say these words to a child sounds a lot like a rejection, especially when they’re only “bothering” you because they need your attention.

Take a moment to ask your child what is wrong. If they prefer to just hang-out with you, explain kindly why you need them to be somewhere else. You can probably say, “I have to finish this. But when I’m done, we can definitely go grab a bite of pizza.”

2. WHY CAN’T YOU BE MORE ________?

Comparison between siblings or to someone else to show your child that what the other person did is better is definitely one way of blowing the child’s self-esteem. With siblings, this can also cause resentment and as parents we must not trigger this feeling with kids.

3. GOOD JOB!!

It’s good to give praise to the child, to boost self-esteem but sometimes, the meaning of a good job is lost when parents aren’t specific about it. Praise the deed itself, not the behavior.

The Difficult Child, by Stanley Turecki, MD

Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child is More—Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic, by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

I am reviewing these books together because they are written on the same issue—the challenges of raising challenging children. Both authors, practitioners and scholars in their field, use the same behavior theory in discussing behavior, and both give similar guidance in living with children with these behaviors. In brief, they talk about a child’s temperament, the way his or her personality is wired, and how that basic temperament is a neutral quality. A child cannot help his emotional wiring, and should not be blamed to punished for being that way. Most parents can relate to this; each of us, I am sure, has noticed something our child has consistently done or a reaction they always have, and said, “You know, she’s always been that way.”

Behaviors, however, are a different matter. No matter what a child’s temperament is like, some behaviors are not acceptable, and many of these behaviors seem to go hand in hand with certain temperaments. Each of these authors offers practical suggestions on how to address behaviors in children of different challenging temperaments, and how to notice those same qualities in ourselves. This is extremely helpful when dealing with a child who might be hard to understand. You can’t help being an introvert, you know how you get when your plans get changed at the last minute, you realize that your intensity is both a bane and a blessing. This self-examination, recommended by both authors, can open the readers’ eyes to what their children are dealing with internally, since children often inherit temperamental traits from their parents.

The differences between the books are really a matter of the reader’s stye. Each one offers similar information and guidance. You may prefer to call your child “spirited,” or you may have no illusions about your kid’s difficult traits. The Turecki book is a bit more scholarly, and is endorsed by other scholars in the field, including Dr. Stella Chess, one of the doctors who ran the pioneering decades-long study on temperament in people. The Kurcinka book is more chatty, and includes some of her sessions with a parents’ support group, so she is chronicling the real life experiences of people you get to know—one m\or more of whom is likely something like the reader. Both authors stress the dignity of the child, though Kurcinka puts more emphasis on avoiding labels and exploring the positive aspects of your child’s temperament. One of the best things about both of these books is that the reader is brought to see that their children’s difficult personality traits also have a good side. In fact, they’re often the things we love most about our kids.

Since every human being has an inborn, unchangeable temperament, these books would be useful for parents whose kids wouldn’t fall into the “difficult” or “spirited” categories. They’re not bad for taking a good look at ourselves, either.

There’s not a parent out there that needs to be reminded that times are pretty tough right now.  More and more families are struggling financially, trying to either get on their feet or stay there.  People miss a payment here or there and credit scores tank, which hits the entire economy.  After all, if your credit is bad, you can’t get a car or a home equity loan or buy a new house or get a credit card to fund your vacation.  And the more money you’re not spending in the marketplace, the less money all those people out there are making in their turn, as well.

There are some sites that can help with that.  One of the best new sites that I’ve come across is CashSubsidy.com, The Cash and Finance Blog.    This site has several things to offer a parent who’s trying to keep finances on track. 

First of all, there are articles about everyday family things, such as wise management of finances and the pros and cons of using a debt consolidation service.  It also covers the general state of business and the economy–in a general overview sort of way, giving us enough information to keep un knowledgeable, but not so much that we can’t get through it. 

It defines terms for its readers, as well as offering resources such as books, links, and information about conferences and other financial helps. 

Keep in mind this is a new site, and its resources are still growing.  Still, with the way it’s begun, parents will find this a helpful place to start looking for the guidance they need to stay on their feet financially.