…at least in Washington State.  The article is here.

I have extremely mixed feelings about this.  When I was in high school, it made no sense to me that the law said that people have to be in school until age 16, but that 18-year-olds could still be punished for non-attendance.  If we didn’t HAVE to be there, legally, how could we be punished for not being there every now and then?  I always thought that we should be rewarded for all the days we did show up.

My point in sharing that is that legally, 18 is in a different category than 16, even if the student is in high school.  I don’t think it’s right, for example, that an 18-year-old can be drafted but not buy a beer the night before he ships out (and yes, I would be all for raising the draft age to 21; all I’m asking for is some consistency here).

So, an 18-year-old can get married (I was at a wedding of two 18-year-olds recently, about a week after they graduated), and she can consent to sex with a partner of any age.  An 18-year-old is a legal adult, and has the rights and responsibilities of one.

What is the problem with this judicial ruling, then?

Whether a person is 18 or not, our culture really considers the end of high school to be the end of childhood and the beginning of adulthood.  I mean, my daughter will turn 18 two weeks before 12th grade starts (in 7 years), and I’m not okay with her spending her senior year carrying on with one of the teachers.  Because we consider high school not-adulthood. 

But I teach college, and have students who are anywhere from 17 to 65, and it’s still not okay for me to have sex with any of them (besides the fact that I’m married!)…at least while they’re in my class.  The power differential is too great, and the opportunities for abuse are too great.  Trading grades for sex, whether initiated by the teacher or the student, might not always happen, but it could so easily happen, and often does.  This is the same for any hierarchical relationship–boss/employee, higher rank/lower rank, doctor/patient, etc. 

The best idea is to get out of the hierarchical relationship before you start the sexual/romantic one.  At least avoid having sex with your teachers or your students.  The potential for disaster is very great if you don’t.  Somebody’s going to get arrested or sued or fired or beaten up in the parking lot.

But once a student’s 18, they have the legal right to enter these relationships.  That doesn’t make it a good idea, that doesn’t mean they’re ready, that doesn’t mean there won’t be long term consequences.  But we could say any of those things about the draft, too, and we let 18-year-olds do that.

It’s so hard to know what to think in these cases, and I’m glad I’m not the judge who has to decide.  A 14-year-old boy in Tennessee is accused of raping and killing a 3-year-old girl.  Right now, the courts have to decide if the boy will be tried as an adult or not. 

Tennessee law seems have some gaping holes in it, leaving the final decision not up to the law so much as up to the judge.  Someone who’s 18 is automatically an adult.  Someone who’s 16 or 17 may be tried as an adult in certain cases.  And someone younger than that can be tried as an adult, if there’s rape or aggravated assault involved, but won’t be unless someone actively seeks to have them re-identified as such.

One consideration is that a 14-year-old, if tried and convicted as an adult, would go to jail, and while they are not put in the general population until they are 18, they also would not have access to the entire juvenile rehabilitation system that is in place for most teenage offenders.   If teenaged criminals are to have a chance to come back from their mistakes, they need access to education, medical care, counseling and mentorship.  But if a teen is tried as an adult, they won’t have access to those things.

This is a horrific crime, and there need to be serious and unbending consequences.   No punishment can bring back a little girl, or redeem the last terrible minutes of her short life.  But how responsible is a 14-year-old for an action like this? 

Some psychologists say they aren’t; they can’t truly understand the implications of their actions.  They just aren’t developed enough for that.  Is it right to punish a person for a crime he couldn’t fathom the full import of?  On the other hand, if a person is broken enough at this young age to hurt a tiny child so much, can he ever be fixed?  Will all the rehab in the world make him ready to rejoin society when he’s 21?

I guess those are the questions of the ages.  I’m not sure we’ve ever come to any satisfactory resolutions of these issues; I’m not sure we can.  I am sure that I did stupid things when I was 14, and would hate to have to pay for them my whole life.  And I am more sure than anything that I want my daughters and son to be safe.

I guess we’ll have to see what they decide to do in Tennessee. 

Image from sodahead.com

Who ran to help me when I fell,
And would some pretty story tell,
Or kiss the place to make it well?
My Mother.

-Ann Taylor

It’s Mother’s Day (or almost, depending where you are), so happy and blessed Mother’s Day to all of you mothers out there.  In our house the partying started early, when my kids sent me back to bed and made me a special breakfast this–Saturday–morning.  We started early because I work on Sunday mornings, but the children have all agreed that I do not get my presents until real Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day has been celebrated on the 2nd Sunday in May for about 95 years, but its history goes back longer than that.  The sacredness of motherhood has been celebrated since the ancient Greeks paid homage to Rhea, the mother of all deities.  Christians have always held Jesus’ mother in high esteem, and therefore all mothers who share her special ministry.  Motherhood was celebrated in Christian churches on the 4th Sunday of Lent, called Mothering Sunday.

Mother’s Day in the US became a legal holiday in 1914.  Anna Jarvis, an advocate for the relief of poverty in families, told her daughter, “I hope and pray that someone, sometime, will found a memorial mother’s day. There are many days for men, but none for mothers.” Her daugher, also Anna Jarvis, worked tirelessly until President Wilson signed the new holiday into law.

Remember, moms, that whatever else it is, motherhood is a chance for us to become the people we want our children to think we are.  And it’s a chance to be the kind of moms we want our daughters to be to our grandchildren. 

And don’t forget, we didn’t get here by ourselves and we’re not in this alone.  Thank you to all our mothers, grandmothers, heart-mothers, sisters, and girlfriends who share this mothering task with us.