LONDON — Should your baby be fed according to a schedule or on demand? A new study suggests that demand-feeding is associated with higher IQ scores, but a casual link can not be decided so far.
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A strong-willed child is a lot to handle. They refuse to submit to authority and parents think this is about becoming disobedient. But it’s more of asserting what they want. And you can turn this into a plus point for your child.

1. Resist the power struggle. Often, a strong-willed child will engage in power struggle if they can get away with it. Enforce routines so that this doesn’t escalate. Stick with schedules so that you don’t have to argue witht he kid.

2. Give the child a chance to take charge. Let them be the “boss”. If you’re going to do the groceries, for example, you can have her prepare the list of things to buy. This will make her feel empowered, as if her choices do matter in the house. And that’s very important for a strong-willed child. They need to be recognized for the things they can do.

3. Listen and listen. Often the cause of misunderstanding in every kind of relationship is that our listening skills break down. Learn to hear out your child when she is being insistent. Not only will this phase her down and you avoid a full blown power struggle, you will also see the underlying reasons for her resistence to the way you discipline or enforce rules in the house.

4. Resist the urge to punish. The more you do this, the more she will love challenging you and pushing your buttons. Instead, approach the child calmly by talking and emphatizing, and you will gain more integrity in their eyes.

After having a child, your whole approach to dating can change. Firstly, it’s difficult enough to find the time for a love life amongst all of the new demands on your time. Secondly, children can be a great confidence-killer – being a parent doesn’t exactly make you feel attractive, especially for women experiencing the physical changes. Thirdly, you may start to feel that you can only date other parents who are sympathetic to yourcircumstances.

All of these elements can lead you to lower your expectations from dating, leading you to rush into things and settle for people who aren’t necessarily right for you. This really shouldn’t be the case – everyone should have a shot at finding love, single parent or not. Here are a few steps to take to get you closer to your soul mate…

Use the right tools:

Dating in the conventional way – by chance – is not an option as a single parent. You simply don’t have the time to sit around in bars being admired. Instead, you need to be proactive and use the right tools to get you what you want: let yourself be set-up with people, go speed dating. Also, think about using online dating sites. These allow you to browse through hundreds of potential matches and specify what you’re looking for – there are Christian dating sites, relationship sites – you name it, you’ll find it. These are massively time saving and hugely successful tools so get online!

Look in the right places:

If you never leave the house without your toddler in tow, it’s about time you hired a reliable babysitter. If you only hang out in parent-related places then the only people you’re likely to meet are other single parents. And they might not necessarily be right for you! Instead, start spending your time in the places you love doing the things you love. This way you’ll meet someone who has a commonality with your true personality, not just with your label as a parent.

Build the right image:

Spend a bit of time on your appearance before you start to date again. Assess your clothes, your make-up and how you hold yourself. Have they changed beyond recognition since you had kids? Try to work a bit of yourself back into your look, giving it that big bite of personality that will make you irresistible to the right person.

Take the right approach:

When you meet someone new, don’t jump in immediately with the parent angle. Parents have a habit of talking mainly about their children. You should definitely inform your date you have a child, but don’t start discussing the troubles they’ve been having with their maths homework. Instead, talk about you, what you like, your job – make it personal because that’s what they’ll fall in love with.

Don’t just settle for someone convenient. Whether it’s by using free dating sites or getting a makeover, you can find love as a single parent.

There is a wealth of information both online and in journals about the effects of advertizing on children.  Really, it’s too much to put into a blog post; you could have a whole blog with daily posts dedicated to the topic of children and advertizing. 

But we do know that children absorb messages from the wider culture, and advertizers are the ones who put those messages into the wider culture.  Now, this isn’t all bad; how will consumers know what’s available if we don’t see it advertized?  People need to sell stuff and people need to buy stuff, and advertizing facilitates that relationship.

The scare stuff is when that relationship is built on exploitation of any group of people, but especially kids.  There are ads that exploit kids’ need to fit in, to feel secure, or to get positive attention.  There are ads that exploit gender or racial sterotypes, and kids just assume that anything they see on TV or in print is reliable.  Now, we adults know that’s not true, but kids accept the authority of what they see. 

Among the overwhelming amount of information and opinion on this topic, here are a few facts, gathered chiefly from the Love Your Body Day website.

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  • For children ages 6-17, the number one after-school activity is watching TV.

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  • Students spend about 900 hours in the classroom and 1,500 hours in front of the TV each year.

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  • Children who watch four or more hours of TV a day are less likely to read at grade level or play well with friend. Children who watch four or more hours of TV a day are more likely to believe claims made by advertisers.

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  • Saturday morning commercial TV advertisers bombard children with ads for sugary cereal, salty snacks, fast food and junk food.

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  • Before teens reach the legal drinking age they have watched 100,000 alcohol commercials.

Those are only a few of the alarming statistics you can find about kids and ads.  We don’t have to wrap our kids in cotton wool or lock them away from the world.  But we should take the time to talk to them about what they see and hear, so that they will learn to think critically about the advertizing that they abosrb. 

Remember, advertizers’ job is to sell stuff.  They are not interested in our children’s well-being…that’s our job.

I’m writing this post with the assumption that you are planning this pregnancy with a committed partner.  I know that’s not always the case; a mature single woman can plan a pregnancy all on her own, and most of what I’ve wrtten so far would apply to this woman, too.  But a pregnancy and a baby will change your most intimate relationships, and for most people, that includes a partner.  I’m also assuming a woman/man relationship, since they are the most common parenting relationships, but if yours looks different, I think you will still find the information applicable.

Here are some things to think about concerning your couple relationship.

1. Give your partner space.  Different people process things differently. You might be perfectly content with something, and he might be bothered by it.  You might wish he would react differently to your talk of cycles and basal temperatures, but you’ve got to let him be who he is, and let him prepare himself for parenting in his own way.
2. Lean on him.  The non-pregnant partner sometimes feels useless and left out.  Also, the mom-in-training often feels like she has to do and know everything.  It doesn’t have to be that way.  He can research things, he can make some of the decisions–it doesn’t always have to be you.
3. Keep it sexy.  There’s no doubt that pregnancy can put a kink in your sex life.  So, before pregnancy, live it up, get in all the uninhibited love you can.  But study up, too, because there are books and websites that will help you anticipate what your sex life might be like when you’re pregnant, and help you get some creative ideas.  It’s not all bad news, though;  your breasts will enlarge and your hormones will surge, so who wouldn’t like that?  And some couples find that the creativity that is forced on them during pregnancy results in some of the most enjoyable sex of their couple life.
4. Keep it honest.  It almost goes without saying that honesty and open communication are a must…but I think I’d better say it anyway.  You’re both going to be acting and feeling different, so don’t assume that things are the same for him, and he shouldn’t assume that they are the same for you.  Share your hopes,  fears, insecurities and joys…and as they say, your burdens will be halved and your joys will be doubled. 
5. Commit to your couplehood.  This should be something you talk about now, in your planning stages.  The best child-rearing situations are the ones where the parents love and respect each other, and the children are welcomed into an already strong, already loving relationship.  There can only be one primary relationship in a home; the primary relationship should be between you and your partner.  Otherwise kids have both too much control and too much insecurity, neither of which are good for them.
6. Date night.  You should be doing date nights, anyway, but make a plan to have at least one a month from the time you get pregnant until… forever.  Work it into the budget, including babysitter pay. 
7. Keep your mind open.  Obviously your projected baby will become the center of your couple-world.  But that doesn’t mean you should stop being your own person.  Read, watch interesting movies, discuss economic policies…do the things that made you fall in love with each other.  Don’t get so involved inyour new parenting role that you forget to be the people you each fell in love with.

Pregnancy can be a challenging time for a couple, but it’s also a time that can draw you closer together.  Now, in your planning stage,  make sure that keeping your couple relationship strong is a central part of the plan.