The words we tell our children leave really strong impact. They look up to us for guidance but sometimes, the way we discipline them can hurt their feelings. In most cases, we don’t mean to snap at our children. But with the stress of running a household and managing work at the same time, parenting can sometimes take a toll.

However, if we keep in mind that these words ought to be avoided, we also avoid scarring our kids:

1. LEAVE ME ALONE or DON’T BOTHER ME.

I know parents need their break from parenting. But to directly say these words to a child sounds a lot like a rejection, especially when they’re only “bothering” you because they need your attention.

Take a moment to ask your child what is wrong. If they prefer to just hang-out with you, explain kindly why you need them to be somewhere else. You can probably say, “I have to finish this. But when I’m done, we can definitely go grab a bite of pizza.”

2. WHY CAN’T YOU BE MORE ________?

Comparison between siblings or to someone else to show your child that what the other person did is better is definitely one way of blowing the child’s self-esteem. With siblings, this can also cause resentment and as parents we must not trigger this feeling with kids.

3. GOOD JOB!!

It’s good to give praise to the child, to boost self-esteem but sometimes, the meaning of a good job is lost when parents aren’t specific about it. Praise the deed itself, not the behavior.

I’ve been trying to look for this book which has been recommended by a friend to me. It’s only available through other third party sellers on Amazon, which is why I’m checking at local bookstores for it first and consider online purchasing as my last resort.

The book is perfect for parents who would like their kids to grow up positive and with better, more stable self-esteem. Instilling discipline and values through positive reinforcements can be tough, especially if, as younger kids, the parents themselves have been exposed to other forms of punishments and discipline.

This book is written by John Gottman, a noted psychologist for marriages and parenting who uses a model to helping children have healthy emotional intelligence. The five basic concepts introduced in this book underlines —

• You awareness to your child’s emotions
• How you handle these emotions so that the child can open up and bond with you better
• How parents would be able to verbalize the emotions, helping them solve their worries or validate feelings.

These days, a healthy emotional well-being is just as important as being intellectually smart, with many of the children growing up in dysfunctional households. This book teaches parents not to raise a dysfunctional child.

Note that our manner of parenting affects our child from the womb, until they grow older and die. So whatever you do to them as they grow up is crucial to who they are.

This book also has questionnaires that should help and guide parents who want to become better mentors for their children.

Have you read this book? What are your thoughts?

There is a stage in a child’s development where he would seem to be saying no to everything you ask. They become uncooperative and some would even resort to tantrums. Asking children to cooperate can be tricky, because parents may end up bribing the kids into doing what must be done, without really teaching them any value or lesson.

So what can parents do?

Often, kids respond well when asked to do a task that is fun. Be creative and devise the task into something like a game so that the child will not see this so much as a chore. It can be as simple as racing who gets to clean up their room faster.

When they throw a little tantrum, don’t also be throwing a tantrum yourself, as the parent. Listen to their feelings first to know where this is coming from. Bear in mind that children act out because they need to be heard. So, hear them out.

Don’t forget to complement your child for things he does. This will encourage the child to do the same behavior, if you positively respond to it as well.

Give them choices. At least with giving choices, you let them feel that they too can make decisions. If you’re cleaning the room together, for instance, you can ask their opinion about where his towels or jackets must be placed. Little things like this can boost his self-esteem and he will eventually develop better attitude.

Children take great pride in their ability to tell a joke, it’s a real boost to their self esteem. At home, jokes give children a moment of undivided attention from adults and older siblings. When a joke works and everyone laughs, it’s a moment of pure joy for a child. It can be very gratifying for kids when friends laugh at their jokes. Children ages 5-6 years are learning that being funny is one of the easiest ways to get other kids to like you. Plus, kindergartners and first graders love having information that others don’t and knowing the answer to a joke makes them feel powerful.

Appreciating friends’  jokes has emotional benefits too. When kids laugh at a joke, they share a sense of complicity. Five and 6 year olds are beginning to notice their peerd, and they’re very concerned about what they can and can’t do. Being able to get a joke shows them that they are just as smart and competent as other kids.

We should look on the bright side. People often assume that a sense of humor is something you’re born with or without, but experts insist it’s a skill that any kid can learn and master. Encourage your budding comedian by laughing at his jokes, even if they’re only marginally funny. Parents who joke around with their children, share funny incidents from their own day, and generally try to see the humor in life’s day to day challenges are more likely to raise children who like to laugh and can roll with the punches. Let’s encourage are children to appreciate the lighter side of life.

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Image Courtesy of CoolBaby.com

Kaboost is an alternative to booster seats or  high chairs.  The idea is that it has these adjustable arm things, so that instead of raising up a short kid by putting him on a booster chair or even in a high chair, you just raise the chair up, so the child sits squarely in the chair and at the right height just like everyone else.

Now, I’m not saying it’s not a kind of cool idea.  It does make it so that a little kid can sit on a chair  like everyone else and not be set apart or infantilized by having a special baby-ish chair.  And it does, admittedly, reduce the chances of the booster chair sliding sideways off the big chair and the kid landing on the floor.  In addition, it’s all plastic, so it won’t do any damage to your carpet or floor.  And it’s portable, so you can take it to a restaurant or Grandma’s house or whatever.

But this is one of those things that makes me wonder why bother with it?   At $37.95 each, you have to have some extra pocket change to get one, anyway–and that puts it in my category of things rich parents buy not because their kids really need them, but because they have the money to buy them.

For $37.95, my kid can sit on a couple of phone books.  I did a pretty thorough search, and I came across no reports of any child being injured by sitting on a phone book, and no reports of any child’s self-esteem taking such a hit that they grew up to be mentally unstable.

So, rich parents, knock yourselves out.  Kaboost seems like a cool thing to have.  I think the rest of us will just stick to normal booster chairs and their inexpensive substitutes.