Image courtesy of sleepzine.com

I was browsing through a list of writing prompts, when this one caught my eye:

Do you agree with this statement: Parents are the best teachers?

We say that a lot, and we all assume we know what we mean by it.

If we mean “best” in that they teach the best things, and can be trusted to provide the best guidance to their children, then I don’t think we can say yes unequivocally.  Even if parents should be trustworthy, many aren’t.

But if we mean “best” in the sense that their lessons stick longer and are more deeply ingrained than any others, then I would say yes.  For better or worse, the “teaching” parents do lasts a lifetime.

Parents teach on purpose of course–we show a toddler how to snap his pants, we show a kindergartner how to tie her shoes, we teach siblings to share and teenagers to follow through on their obligations.  But the most significant and life-forming teaching parents do happens simply by the way parents live their lives.

Simply by living and talking in the presence of their children, parents teach an immense amount–in most cases far more than they are aware of.  Without even trying, parents can teach their children honesty, honor, kindness, gratitude, self-control, spirituality, work ethic, optimism, respect, and affection.

Conversely, with no conscious thought on their part, parents can teach their children dishonesty, cheating, cruelty, entitlement, self-indulgence, materialism, laziness, cynicism, disrespect, and selfishness.

For better or worse, we aren’t even usually aware that these are the lessons our children are learning from us.  But they do learn them, and their lives are formed by them.  Studies show–and common sense indicates–that the values and choices of parents will be emulated by their children.  Of course, there are exceptions–thoughtful people have always chosen different paths than the ones laid out for them.  And most people go through a period of life when they consciously reject their parents’ values.  But for the most part, more often than not, people return to the values they grew up with when they become adults.

So, in that sense, parents are the  best teachers.  The lessons parents teach last a lifetime.  Very few classroom teachers can say the same thing.

A judge in Malawi denied Madonna’s petition to adopt 4-year-old Chifuto James from an orphanage in Malawi.  He cited a law that says that a prospective parent must live in Malawi for 18 months before being eligible to adopt a child from there.  He also said that this little girl was doing just fine in her orphanage, thank you very much.  Of course, this is all despite the fact that Madonna just adopted a little boy from Malawi in 2006 without being held to the residency requirement.

A human rights spokesperson in Malawi said this: “Inter-country adoption is not the best way of providing protection to children… they should grow up in familiar cultural and religious surroundings…”

That’s absolutely true…when it’s possible.  A spokesperson for the Malawi Justice Department said, “the judge believes she was being well taken care of in the orphanage.”

So, now an orphanage is just as good as a loving home?  I’m no fan of Madonna as an artist, but nobody’s ever said she was a bad parent.  And I don’t see a whole lot of Malawian families stepping up to give these kids homes.  It just seems wrong for a judge to decide that it’s better for a child to be in a Malawian orphanage than an American home (and doesn’t Madonna live in a castle in Scotland?)–one that even has siblings of the same ethnic and national background. 

International/interethnic adoption is controversial, I know that, believe me.  But there shouldn’t be a question as to whether institutions or loving homes are better for children, no matter what their background. 

Madonna with Malawian son David