“She kicked me!”, “He stole my toys!”, “She doesn’t want to share the swing!” Sound familiar? Though it’s not fun to share your home with a little informer, tattling is normal for kids this age. Independent enough to play by themselves, young grader-schoolers lack strong problem-solving skills as well as the confidence to work things out on their own. For kids, having an adult referee is the easiest way to deal with a difficult situation.

There are three kinds of tattlers:

1. The informers – kids who are trying to win attention, earn cookie points, or get another child in trouble.
2. Flag wavers- Those who really need help. For instance, a child whose brother won’t stop mimicking him.
3. Good citizenzs- Children who report genuine safety concerns or personal threats.

To “tell” appropriately, children must understand these differences, and they aren’t always obvious. Sometimes, instead of reporting a real problem, kids tattled because of their feelings.

Tattlers are often rejected or looked down on by other kids. Tattling can also trigger a chain reaction of recrimination. So what’s the best way to handle a tattler? Don’t brush him off  by saying “I don’t want to hear about it” Consider the situation. Responses like “That sounds so annoying, what could you do so your brother will stop teasing you?” often work well. This acknowledges the problem but gives your child a chance to figure out a solution on his own. Once he has tried his best, step in if he still needs assistance.

Just don’t make a habit of saving the day. “If you respond automatically, you could create a cycle of snitching. You can also teach your child that a straight forward request such as “I need help” works better than “ That boy won’t stop bothering me”

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